9 July 2K3…

4 days, @ nite, 3 years ago…

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9juli2k3_1

I drew Ds sketch =)

Of a Girl, d@ h@ turned my life upside down FR Cns known R… ^^; I’ve m@ a girl, N-otr girl, long b4, n I luvd R, 1s… But NFR Bn Ds Dp S way I V-l 4 R…

d’Girl in sketch…

S if "I knew I luvd R b4 I m@ R"…

Yeah, guess U’ve all known d’story ^^; Wuzzat? Not y@?

dN read here first! ;p Hehehehe…

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4 days, @ nite, 3 years ago…

I’ve l@ R go…

T____T

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About d’sketch…

I drew Ds all based on my imagination! ^^;v 4 picture of R is so captured in my mind! S if I saw R directly, just rite behind… But Y was it Ds angle, perspective d@ Km in2 my mind, when I sketched R?… I dunno! It just Km like d@… ^^; N I B-liv, U Kn sumhow "V-l" d’MOCn I fully devoted in when I drew Ds? ;) Yes… It’s a Bt undescribable @ d@ time, but now I understN Y d@ angle is what Km in my mind, when I drew R…

It’s a sketch of a girl, stood in front of Binus Anggrek Campus’ 6th floor, rite in front of d’Laboratory Assistant Room ^^; Place where C @ d@ time worked while studyin’ hard @ d’same time… C’s a hardworker, d@’s 1 of quality I like from R… =) NEway, C was my lab assistant back dN! ^^; N I’m sure U’ve read d’story (kalo blom klik di atas! Hehehehe ;p) d@’s how I m@ R in 1st place… So, Y I drew R stood in dR?…

Coz I often saw R just stN dR, lookin’ down, dunno what C was Cin’ or what C’s thinkin’… @ times, I thought C was lookin’ down, looked 4 me, hehehehe (mungkin ga ya? GR amat!! ;p) But most likely when U tried 2 look in R Is… U Kn NFR tell what C’s ac2LE lookin’ 4 in life… ^^;

C’s always d@ mysterious… N Cns I love mystery… Heheh, guess d@ match! ;p

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All I knew, FR Cns dN, we F BKm friends… Quite good friends… =) I know I was BZ workin’ @ days n just go 2 campus studied @ nites, chNs 2 meet R is 2 little, so we usually g@ in touch thru e-mails, dN thru YM…

We F BKm acquaintance S a close friend, I admired R, N I think C did 2 me 2, in sum ways (Doncha? Ngaku!! ^^; Hehehehe ;p) N I dunno, Cns dN I F always V-l comfort about R… Not around R! ^^; Coz I on d’contrary always V-l trembled when I’m near R, wakakaka =D But about R… =) I mean, whenFR I remember R gestures, d’way C smile, so innocently n CnCr, n I Kn C hole in R teeth, hehehehe ^^; d@ was "SUMTHIN’"… ;)

Till I 1 day just couldn’t help 2 tell d@ I really 1 R, more dN just friend… @~*

2 b@, I Z it in writings! By email, N not directly spoken 2 R… ^^; 1 thing ’bout me… I always find it hard 2 speak with R when it was just B-twin d’2 of us, I dunno Y!… N I Kn go blabberin’ otR things instead, dN what I really 1′d 2 tell R so much… ^^; Sigh! Silly me… @~* But when it comes 2 writing stuffs, I Kn throw out all my thoughts n speak R my mind! Exact n clear!… Perhaps coz I don’t F 2 C R in d’Is?… ;p Not d@ I’m scared! Not a coward! =D

But dR was sumthin’ in R Is… d@ m8 me V-ls, NO!… I don’t FR 1 2 hurt R! I don’t 1 2 C R cries… =( N if what I’m gonna tell R m8 make R s@, I’d rather hurt myself dN V-l R V-ls uncomfort about me… Yes, I’m a Piscean, F sumwhat of 6th sense, I Kn "V-l" d’change in windflow, or change in way people B-F… I Kn tell if sumthin’ is wrong… What’s goin’ on?! =)

N d@ was 1 silly mistake… Should F Z I "Kr" directly, rite in R Is… So whatFR d@ was, I Kn C how C reacts n responded @ 1st time… I "NEED" 2 know… But silly me, guess I F just ruined it all! @~*

Ahhh… Kn’t change what S happened! Guess d@’s just d’way things F 2 B… =)

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Days b4, 4 days, @ nite, n 3 years ago…

C always Z nothin’ was wrong with our friendly relationship… But S I Z, I Kn tell Girl! =) U started 2 put N invisible wall, sumhow, in B-twin… Guess I pushed U 2 close, I got in2 Ur uncomfort zone, eh? =) Times l8r, I thought U were just not re-D… I Kn understN! ^^; 2k time alrite! N yes, it must B shockin’ 2 know, wasn’t it? =)

I do "Kr" about U… More dN what a Friend Kn do… =)

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Now, I don’t 1 2 open old wounds n make new 1s in Ur heart… Tui pu chi, may B what I wrote here unpleased U! May B not wise… I know… But I need 2 Xpress things, s@ M clear, n put M back alrite… d’way it should F Bn, Cns d’very 1st place, very 1st time…

May B U wouldn’t 4give me, S I write Ds… Hmm, I Kn’t force U 2 love me, guess I also Kn’t beg U if U NFR 1 2 4give me… I write Ds with full conscience… N I know d’consequences… But like I Z, please 4give me, but I need 2 do Ds… 4 goodness of us both…

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Coz I V-l Ds things h@ goin’ wild n lost way way faraway, I Kn’t control!! So b4 I lose my mind… ^^; I need 2 put me back on d’track… N U noe me! d’only way I Kn do d@, just by writin’ 2 Xpress things I need 2 say…

2 l@ U noe…

I guess U’d just B usual U, phlegmatic 1! ;p Hehehehe…

Like U always…

S if U NFR really "Kr"…

Though I know U R not d@ phleg… ;)

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So, where were we? Ah ya, d’sketch… =)

By dN, sumhow, I could V-l d@ things just couldn’t B rite in B-twin both of us… ^^; Like I Z, I NFR noe what U really 1, what is it d@ U’re lookin’ 4, when speakin’ of a Man, what quality U searched, what’s in a Man? U NFR l@ me know! Y?!… Fears of I Kn always B d@ ideal sum1? =D Hehehehe ;p I’m a FIGHTER, remember?! ;p Yeah, U told me 1s! ^^;v d’more challenge U give me, just gonna make me flap my wings wide, even higher!! U’d only find me struggle n fight, 2 B B@r dN FR! 2 best suit U!!…

Yes, I’m like d@! U’ve long known me, guess d@’s just me… ;)

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Perhaps it is d’Wall… d@ always make me hesitant, whenFR I decided 2 approach 2 U, 2 g@ closer… I noe, we Km from very different bases, different culture, different race, different ethnics, different religion…

U Kn B assured d@ I’m willin’ 2 break through! If d@’s what it takes 2 g@ U…

All I would do…

All but d’LAST…

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When it comes 2 FAITH… Guess I F 2 admit: Ds is d’only thing d@ fears me… I just Kn’t break!… So 4give me… If U may B found me like I was NFR really meant d’things I Z 2 U… B-liv it’s true!! Things may NFR B S it Cms… Not b’coz I didn’t mean M… But if we don’t work 2g@r, I couldn’t fight Ds all alone!!…

All by myself…

Guess I need U…

N I just Kn’t make it without U…

So Y won’t U put trust in me…

N try just 4 1s, B-liv me?!

T____T

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4 days, @ nite, 3 years ago…

I F realized, d@ we could just NFR B…

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N do U know how Dply stabbed I’m hurt d@ nite? 2 noe d’fact d@ U won’t B dR when I needed U d’most? Was nearly 11th hour b4 midnite… I was alone in silence, only paper n pencil in hand, I thought I cried, dR were nothin’ Ls in my mind, no1 but U…

So I just followed wherever instinct 2k me… L@ my rite hand started 2 draw, a sketch of U… Based on d’way I V-l back dN… d@’s how U Kn sNs my MOCn! S U Kn C in d’sketch…

d@’s ac2LE not a picture of U who’s lookin’ down searchin’, S if waitin’ 4 sum1…

It was ac2LE of "ME"… ;)

Who Kn only C Ur figure way from behind…

Admirin’ U, adorin’ U, from a distance…

Knowin’ Kn NFR reach Ur hand…

N-lessly hope n wait 4 U…

Long S I Kn, till I Kn’t stN…

Now I don’t noe if I Kn stN NE longer…

T___T

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4 days, @ nite, 3 years ago…

I’ve known…

Things R just gonna B Ds way…

I’ve l@ U go…

So many times…

But even I myself Kn’t tell,

Y I Qp comin’ back 2 U!

Over n over again…

I just Kn’t l@ go…

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N still, I’m stNDn here waitin’…

Hopin’ 4 things 2 change…

N U 2 FR turn Ur head 4 me…

Guess d@’s also 1 other thing about d’sketch…

Guess d@’s Y I didn’t draw Ur face facin’ me…

Coz Dp inside, sumhow U still couldn’t admit…

Not d@ "couldn’t", I think "wouldn’t"…

N U’re 2 shy 2 look @ me in d’I…

2 just turn n C…

In2 Ds Is… =)

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d@ FR Cns, 4 days, @ nite, 3 years ago…

Ds very same warm Is d@ Krs…

Qp lookin’ @ Ur back n wish U 2 look back…

Even 4 1s…

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U NFR would…

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Kido Kamen =)